so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
im six kinds of drunk right now
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
