under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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