he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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