I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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