I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
