and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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