you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
