I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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