so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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