just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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