Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
