You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
