She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
