I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
