you guys were way drunker than both of me
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
