soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
