Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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