You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
