you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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