that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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