I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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