I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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