So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
