i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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