I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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