I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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