ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
