I think I died a long time ago.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
