Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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