Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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