she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
