some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
