I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
