i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
