I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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