he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
