Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
