do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
