dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
