Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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