We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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