I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
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