Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
