And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
