I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
