I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
