You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
