you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
