We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
