I wish I could teleport
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
