im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
