ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
