shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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