Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
